Loneliness is a subjective experience that all humans experience at some point in life. Aloneness, however, is objective. Isolation, (or aloneness), does not necessarily mean that loneliness is felt. Few admit to ever feeling lonely as it’s perhaps deemed a failure. We live in a world that places importance on ‘having it all’; good car, great friends, supportive family, wonderful partner, successful career, jet-setting holidays; admitting to loneliness is an admission of lack, and in a world where apparently opportunities abound, competition is rife, and impersonal relations is commonplace, it is seen as a weakness in the lonely individual. Despite the stigma and denial of loneliness, the evidence of it is everywhere – in drug and alcohol abuse, marital breakdowns, increase in pornography use, increasing number of calls to emotional support charities, suicides, and stress management clinics.
Humans are supremely social creatures, much more so than even our close relative primates. Loneliness is the feeling of lack of acceptance, lack of deep connections, lack of validation from others, and lack of value within society or within the community. Rejection for who we are within our family, friends or from the wider community is another cause of loneliness which goes some way to explain how you can be surrounded by people but still feel incredibly lonely. Social rejection literally causes a pain response in the central nervous system, and so we endeavour to fit in and mould to the communities around us in order to not be isolated. We fear isolation and science may provide some answers…
“Not all who are isolated are lonely and not all who are lonely are alone” – Ellender and Bonner (2021)
Isolation, in terms of survival, could have meant death. It’s hypothesised that we are hard-wired to need acceptance from others in order to not only feel safe, but to literally be safe. Studies have shown certain polymorphisms in genes coded for the oxytocin receptor may determine how much we depend on social connection with others, hence why some people need more connection with other humans and why other people need less. Whilst some humans can roam and adventure alone with ease, others would find the prospect difficult. We could conclude that loneliness is not just psychological issue that one can ‘white-knuckle’ through and learn to live with, but a genetic trait that’s vital for our survival and therefore our overall health.
Chronic loneliness occurs when loneliness persists. It is a distressing state of one’s connections lacking in quality, or of total lack of connection with another human being. Signs and symptoms range from depression, irritability, self-centredness, anxiety, loss of pride and self-worth, which may sometimes result in suicide. Loneliness is not a clinical disease but persisting loneliness is a contributing factor for many diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and greater risk of infections.
Chronic loneliness has also been shown to increase a person’s risk of neurodegenerative diseases such as dementia. As the lonely may seek solace in poor nutrient/high calorie foods, substance abuse and alcohol, and risk-taking behaviour, the health and disease impacts widen.
Chronic loneliness also impacts the expression of immune-modulating genes, with persistent loneliness showing an under-expression of cell-cycle inhibitors and NF-kB inhibitors - meaning an increase in inflammation and increased risk of tumours. Furthermore, an over-expression of immune-activating genes results in an increase in pro-inflammatory cytokines and inflammatory mediators.
The quality of sleep is impacted dramatically in chronic loneliness. Although it’s been shown that sleep duration doesn’t differ much to those who don’t identify as lonely, the quality of sleep is very poor, with lighter sleep and more mini awakenings throughout the night. As seen in depression, the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA axis) is overactive in chronic loneliness and cortisol levels may be very high. Paradoxically cortisol normally acts as an immune-suppressant, but in chronic states the cells and target tissues become cortisol-resistant, therefore despite high levels of cortisol circulating, the body now becomes more susceptible to infections.
Persistent loneliness unhelpfully makes a person more untrusting of others too. The elevated fight-or-flight response in the lonely ramps up the social threat awareness, and they become hyper-vigilant to negative body language and negative words. The longer someone experiences loneliness the more embedded the unconscious negative bias becomes.
The importance of touch
An often over-looked, but increasingly accepted as invaluable in our social connections, is that of touch. Hugging, touching, holding hands, greeting, massage, and sex all produce a powerful, calming hormone called oxytocin. This hormone also helps to lower cortisol in the body and calm the nervous system. Oxytocin is well known for its role in childbirth and breast feeding but its effects on human behaviour, mood and emotions is equally as important but lesser known. Affectionate people appear to have more robust immune systems too with higher levels of NK cells and immunoglobulin M. Touch deprivation in adults has been shown to increase depression, loneliness, stress, alexithymia, mood/anxiety disorders and immune system disorders.
To demonstrate oxytocin’s effect on the body in one study, administration of intranasal oxytocin was shown to reduce social anxiety and social threat, improve social bonding and social behaviour, increase generosity and trust; improved facial emotion recognition, and lowered cortisol – but the effects differ depending on the oxytocin receptor gene, which may explain why positive social events are less satisfying to lonely people.
“…a complex set of feelings that occurs when intimate and social needs are not adequately met” – Cacioppo (2006)
It’s been suggested that touch deprivation is loneliness by a different name as they both elicit the same emotional, mental and physical negative outcomes. Affection deprivation is a state of deficit of desired connection. With social isolation and loneliness now thought to be more deleterious to health than smoking and obesity, isn’t it time we remember what makes us human and place importance on connection again?
Technology and modern society
Technology has deepened isolation and loneliness further, by instilling habits of mindless scrolling on our phones, even in the presence of family, friends, and colleagues. Technology and social media, although sold to us as a panacea for loneliness and social connection, actually increases social isolation, (arguably by humans investing more time in the virtual than the real world) and diminishes our self-esteem and self-worth, deepening a person’s loneliness, isolation, and depression.
It’s a popular feature of today’s culture where we journey to ‘discover who we are’ on an individual level. Have we perhaps become more narcissistic, self-centred, obsessed with psychology and individualistic? Have we perhaps lost our connection to others, deeming them less important than the connection to ourselves? Have we perhaps over-corrected? Our modern social values aren’t attuned to our human needs – could this be the reason for increasing rates of social isolation, loneliness and depression? Esther Perel, the world-renowned relationship psychotherapist, insists that we cannot possibly ever know ourselves without relation to other people.
Ellender, Graham, and Michael Bonner. “‘All the Lonely People, Where Do They All Belong?’” Issue 1 Journal of Mental Health Disorders Review Article, vol. 1, no. 1, 2021, www.scientificarchives.com/admin/assets/articles/pdf/all-the-lonely-people-where-do-they-all-belong-20210817120828.pdf. Accessed 27 Oct. 2021.
Floyd, Kory, and Colin Hesse. “Affection Deprivation Is Conceptually and Empirically Distinct from Loneliness.” Western Journal of Communication, vol. 81, no. 4, 16 Dec. 2016, pp. 446–465, 10.1080/10570314.2016.1263757. Accessed 15 Apr. 2021.
Hawkley, Louise C., and John T. Cacioppo. Perceived Social Isolation: Social Threat Vigilance and Its Implications for Health. Oxford Handbooks Online, Oxford University Press, 12 Sept. 2011. Accessed 27 Oct. 2021.
Lucht, Michael J., et al. “Associations between the Oxytocin Receptor Gene (OXTR) and Affect, Loneliness and Intelligence in Normal Subjects.” Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology and Biological Psychiatry, vol. 33, no. 5, Aug. 2009, pp. 860–866, 10.1016/j.pnpbp.2009.04.004. Accessed 10 Dec. 2020.
Rokach, Ami. “Loneliness Then and Now: Reflections on Social and Emotional Alienation in Everyday Life.” Current Psychology, vol. 23, no. 1, Mar. 2004, pp. 24–40, link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12144-004-1006-1, 10.1007/s12144-004-1006-1. Accessed 17 Nov. 2019.
Comments